The greatest challenge is to figure out what you want.
Today was a big rest day for me. I did very little work.
Meditate, sleep, travel to tournament, have fun, travel back home, sleep more, meditate more.
It's all super confusing. I have to remember what you want, if there is anything you really want.
And if I don't know, I have to guess. That's ok. Guessing is fine. I can put in some effort to guess.
My affect is mostly flat right now. But true commitment isn't based on emotions.
Today I felt quite happy. I was kind of grinning, almost. I had a very wide smile!
That was nice. I really enjoyed today, despite it being awful. It really was awful!
But life is there to be enjoyed in its entirety. All the bad moments are great too.
Today I read a book. About an hour ago. "The Expectation Effect". It was fine.
When I wrote "to figure out what you want", I really meant "you". The real you!
I barely know you. That's true. You barely know me too. And yet, it's totally fine.
Nobody knows anybody else. Even close family members have huge secrets.
At least I've been very open with you. Maybe you can be open with me too.
You want to care about your family. That's a good thing. You're good!
There are many good people. I just haven't met all of them yet.
I'm not sure if I ever will. This doesn't bother me.
Very few things bother me, if anything.
I don't remember the last thing that's bothered me. Oh - pain!
I've felt a lot of pain recently. Everywhere throughout my body.
This is training, but it's fine. Growth starts with pain, most of the time.
"How can I cause myself more pain, in order to grow more?"
That's a good question, a really really really good question!
You need pain in your life. I hope you get a lot of it. I don't mean it in a bad way.
I wish I had more pain in my life. My life is way too comfortable. Even though I feel stuck.
Let's feel the pain together!